Everton 2-0 Chelsea: A new low in a season brimmed with them

By: Jack | February 11th, 2012
   

I’m going to attempt to keep this short because, quite frankly, spitting viciously vile vitriol is not how I’d like to spend my Saturday afternoon. Virulence really isn’t going to get us anywhere.

But, shit, I’m fucking pissed.

508770732
Don’t worry, it got much worse.

How to sum up easily the most embarrassing day of the season thus far? I’m not quite sure. Hey, at least Andre Villas-Boas has some words ready for this moment.

Today was one of our worst games this season, in every sense of the word. We are short of anything positive.

You’re damn right it was, Andre. And you’re damn right there are no positives on which to focus.

Yes, this was as bad as it gets. Some supporters probably thought the brilliance*on display at the Liberty Stadium on New Year’s Eve was the extent of the horror. The epitome of shit so to speak. There was no way in hell Chelsea could top that – or should I say there was no way Chelsea could slump to a level below that.

* = sarcasm

Does a level below that even exist? Oh yes. And it bore fruition at Goodison.

There was not even the slightest semblance of a positive for Chelsea in this fixture. We slopped about in the first half, conceding inside six minutes, and then contrived to be every worse after the interval. There were short bursts of decent – not good – play, but nothing of consequence. The second half, in particular, featured a despicable brand of football, our defense laughing it up (not in a good way) while our attacks consisted of nothing more than low-grade crosses from the flanks. Pathetic.

Jose Bosingwa set the tone for this embarrassment with a deluxe shit sandwich in the sixth minute, blowing a throw-in and then failing to track the incisive run of Steven Pienaar with any intensity. The South African thus waltzed into the penalty area, controlled a weird ricochet off Frank Lampard and roofed a shot past a helpless Petr Cech. To categorize this as anything other than predictable would be doing this pub team a disservice. Me, I didn’t even get pissed. I have unfortunately come to expect such ridiculousness this season.

Everton continued to out-work, out-muscle and out-think us throughout the first half and for most of, if not all, the second. Credit to David Moyes, who must be considered among the best managers (pound for pound) in England. His players really work hard for each other, something I’m sure Villas-Boas wishes he could say about his current crop of prima donnas.

Who isn’t to blame? Everyone must raise their hand on this day. AVB got it wrong. Why not stick with the 4-2-3-1? And these players, my word. Fernando Torres was Charmin-soft, more interested in arguing with the officials than getting on with actually trying to score a goal.  Juan Mata didn’t show up and Daniel Sturridge buzzed about but didn’t do much of anything. Our midfield cocked up, particularly the anonymous Raul Meireles, while our defense bordered on being the blunt of all jokes. The less said about Bosingwa and Ashley Cole the better.

It’s a sad indictment of the side when you’re actually somewhat happy your left-back has to go off with an injury. Of course we wish Ashley all the best and hope he’s not seriously injured, but I won’t deny it was nice to actually see Ryan Bertrand on a pitch. During a Premier League match no less. Wow.

What else to say. Did I mentioned we were shit? I did? Good.

Just to knock it out before it becomes a problem: No, AVB doesn’t need to be sacked. Get off it. What good is it going to do? These are the same issues every manager since Jose has been forced to deal with. Not one of them has figured out how to solve them on a long-term basis. I don’t know how to solve them – if I did I reckon I’d be in the hot seat – but I do know that to continue the coaching carousel is bad business for the club.

Are we in danger of qualifying for the Champions League next season? Damn right we are. But I’m also pretty sure a Guus or a Jose or a Pep or a Fabio or a whoever isn’t going to come in here and guarantee a magically recovery. This time just has too many flaws. Stay the course and hope for an internal recovery (as unlikely as that seems).

I know you guys must have some thoughts on the rubbish we all just witnessed so hit us up in the comments. We’re looking forward to debating it up. Carefree, bitches.


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  • Danieljschooler

    Bosingwa MUST go. He is just absolutely terrible at everything he does. Same for Miereles, he contributes nothing as far as I am concerned. A "nice" bench player and nothing more. AVB is clearly bias towards the Portuguese speakers, and that will be his undoing if he doesn't subside. Bench Miereles, release Bosingwa (on a free for all I care) and the squad will improve through subtraction, simple!!!

  • has anybody in the media over there asked AVB straight up WTF he selects Bosingwa?? how many points has Bosingwa cost us this season!!!?

  • Moaveni

    Chelsea's problem is they do not have unity pure and simple, AVB although a good guy just does not have the weight to make Chelsea a team rather than a bunch of spoiled individuals. Chelsea may yet scramble fourth place and do something in the Champion's league but until they get a manager who can trump player power they will not be contenders.

  • ph0bolus

    I still hold a little faith in AVB and his plans.  I hope he sticks around regardless of finishing top 4 or not, and gets to build HIS team getting rid of dead weight in the process.  It's going to be hard to sign the big names, but we don't really need them..look at Newcastle and the signings they've made in Cabaye, Ba, and Tiote..

  • Maysam

    Chelsea has quality .. this is the same team scored 3 goals against United. I believe Guss will get the best out of this quality and will save the season ... AVB is learning by managing Chelsea, Chelsea is not soccer lab; If this Roman is the same guy who fired Jose because of bad results ... If this Roman is the same Roman that fired Scolari immediately after chelsea was losing CL spot .... If this Roman is same Roman who fired Ancelotti because he did not deliver silverware .... Roman will fire AVB right after we lose to  Napoli ....

  • Chenlsea

    Andre, Nepotism has no place in a TOP CLUB like Chelsea. Bosingwa's GOOD display against Man UTD is NO MORE valid than Cahill's Superb display against the bombardment of Rooney et. al. Remember that, Andre, STOP NEPOTISM!

  • Mateo
  • Seth

    I won't spend time exploding about the result; both you (Jack) and my fellow commenters have done that more effectively than I could. 
    I agree that AVB has had some truly shit decisions. He's made tactical gaffs, chosen some starting 11s that are as nonsensical as the 50 million on Torres was. Ditto with his substitutions. The continue to claw at 4th place, a precarious position which, if we lose our (seemingly apathetic) grip, we could torpedo this team for years to come, as Jack alluded to.
    But firing AVB now is foolish. Foolish. Think, for a moment. If we sack him, and have Guus as the interim, that's papering over gaping cracks. Unless Guus can fix the massive fissures in the dressing room and starting 11, he'll be as hapless as AVB. People have been bitching and moaning about Sturridge as the number 9, but Torres has been producing good bursts of form of late; do you want to murder his confidence? you have to pick which you'd rather have. Some would say fuck Torres, he can't score and we should sell 'im anyway. Maybe they're right, but AVB will get shit regardless.
    Listen, I think too much is slung upon AVB and not enough on these shit players. Is he making jackass mistakes, playing players that will be gone in a year/6 months over players that will hopefully be here for 5+? Absolutely. But these fucking pretenders in Blue shirts, being paid millions, who couldnt give two fucks if somebody took a steaming shit upon the Shed End aren't helping. Give AVB until next January. Let him have one more transfer window to make something happen. Everybody wants a fire sale; this year has proven that Malouda/Sala/Bos have no business being here. If he can't make intelligent buys/sales this summer, then he's a fucking idiot. I'm desperately hoping that he made a serious miscalculation last August when he looked over this squad, and that he won't ever make it again. Break up the old firm with a fucking Hazard/de Bruyne/McEachran/WhoTheFuckEver-shaped Hammer. 
    And if he doesn't, if he doesn't begin to learn from his mistakes and build, then sack him. 18 months is enough to figure England out. 6, however, is not. 
    Keep the Blue Flag Flying High. what more can you say.

  • pfelds

    FML

    i think i am just another echo in a growing chorus that would be unashamed, for once, if we sacked our manager. Don't get me wrong, AVB is a good manager, with vision, tactical prowess, and a healthy dose of bravado, but he is not getting the results, and if we miss out on CL we are really sort of fucked. Roman's new outlook, more hands-off, is great, and hopefully will continue into the future, but i am not sure AVB should be given such gracious confidence, Especially when we look at prior bosses and their records/ achievements. Carlo maybe wasnt ideal to foster a new chelsea with his reliance on the club heirarchy, but i dont see AVB being nearly strong enough to break the cliques that poison our dressing room.

    I guess we can all just pray that if AVB gets the boot, then Guus will return as interim, followed by the glorious return of our one true King, Jose Mourinho.

    "Some people call me a dreamer, but im not.... the only one"

  • Ray

    I am really annoyed by AVBs tactics during the game.
    1.After conceding an early goal..for 60 minutes we failed to score.So why not change something around sooner rather than waiting till the 69 - 70th minute??
    2.Take off Mata for Lukaku?? AVB said he wanted 3 strikers..who the hell is going to assist the 3 strikers if you take away the only man who can do that!!And that too at 77 minutes when our condition is even more desperate?If he had taken off a defender for a forward player I would have still understood.
    3.What is it with this Portuguese orgy going on in the field? Cahill made a good impression last game.Why not play the same with Iva on the right?What is this going to do to Cahill's confidence if he has to sit out after playing well in the previous game?
    4.Sell Torres..,sell him for 20 mn I dont care.
    Team morale is definitely wrong .Even the cool , usually unflappable customers like Cech are being affected now ..making careless mistakes.

    [sarcasm]And yeah send Mceachran on loan and play Meireles every game because thats the right way forward.And Voila! now we are 5th with Newcastle breathing down our necks[/sarcasm]

    we seem to have hit rock bottom now it seems..after watching this game , I certainly have.

  • Chenlsea

    In Chelsea, NY Tonight, I cannot sleep. I wonder what the hell happened?!

    It is a Tale of Two "Chelsea"'s tonight.If you guys happened to watch a little bit of NBA, you will get caught with a little bit of "Linsanity". Here is a young guy, Jeremy Lin, 2nd Year Player, cut by two previous teams, on NBA minimum wage, live on his brother's living room sofa, scored more than 20 points in each last 5 starts, single-handedly bringing the Knicks 5 straight wins, by beating Kobe Bryant on the face. This is what happened when you endow a young spirit and empower him to fight for his own cause. Why wouldn't Chelsea trust our young players? We are down our luck - and we need fighters. Yet look at the entire team, we have few. Yet, we trust Bosingwa, at the expense of fuming a discontent Cahill. We bring on Malouda, with 100% predictability of what he can do and cannot do, while sending our Josh to warm the bench of Swansea. We played Cole's 30-year old body like him still a machine. Give Lukaku, Bertrand, Cahill, a chance, and Pound these words into their brains -- "Young Man, Here is the moment, and Here is your Moment, Seize it, Rescue Chelsea and Make yourself a Legend!" 

    God saves Chelsea. Don't send your son, You come yourself by instilling a touch of brilliance in AVB's thoughts. May a STAR is born, MAY a new legend of Chelsea is MADE in the next few months, MAY THE BLUG FLAG FOREVER FLYING HIGH.

  • Arsene Wenger

    sorry i misspelt AR5-3NAL

  • Arsene Wenger

    hahahah ARSENAL ARSENAL ARSENAL, no champions league for your spoilt brats

  • Maysam
  • Maysam

    Roman did huge risk hiring AVB and it did not pay off , as simple as this. Let's not fool ourselves with fancy words such as "Rebuilding", "Transition" we are not building anything, we still use 4-3-3, we still lack creativity, we still keep our young talents on bench to rot while our seniors fuck up on the field. We still rely on 33 years old striker who might not extend his contract. what are we building?
    Which one of players who played today (except Ryan Bertrand) needs more experience? which one needs more experience so next season he will be star? None, these are all professional players, if they do not perform well, maybe tactic needs to be changed.

    I am sure if Napoli beats us with 2 or 3 goals difference, AVB will be fired and Guss will take over. 
    AVB has no idea what he is doing. His eyes were full of tear at the end of game, that tells you if he is ready to be manager or not.

  • DarrenTrueBlue

    I was so angry i was close to tears.Jesus Fucking Christ.
    Mind that doom and gloom I referred to in my last comment I didnt even imagine it could be half as bad as this shit.AVB should play the reserves next week atleast they would be hungrier than that toothless bunch that AVB calls a starting 11.
    I miss The Famous Chelsea. She captured my heart and soul and fled the country.
    please come back chelsea I miss and love you.sincerley a scared, confused and slightly worried young man.

    Jack,
    better you than me writing about this game i would have not much words to use except very foul language keep it up mate.

  • Tom

    this is my opinion of whats up

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  • KDB777

    I actually think Roman should stick with AVB....this team needs to be rebuilt....the glory years are over, and it's time to accept some pain, and rebuild.  I think they can do this with AVB, provided he also learns from this horrid first year.  Nobody is good forever (even ManU will face this at some point)...let AVB rebuild this aging, uninterested, timid squad.  Just my opinion....

  • Ray

    Where the fcuk are we rebuilding?What business are we doing in the transfer windows??The only thing we are rebuilding at present is our youth team. 
    we are firmly on the way of rebuilding a good team into a mid table team.
    Cue enter: Meireles , Willian etc.

  • Maysam

    Rebuild? yes if we were using all our young players and we were losing, I would agree with you. but what is he building? let's not fool ourselves with "Rebuilding" and "Transition"

  • KDB777

    ...the players deserve a lot more blame than AVB at this point...

  • KDB777

    I think AVB has been learning who and what works in the current Chelsea squad...he's been on a steep learning curve, as well.  There's no way he could waltz in and bench the stars of old...he eserves more than half a season.  I think he's been trying to win and rebuild/replace at the same time, and that ususally doesn't work.  I'm still for giving him a chance....sacking him will do more damage in the long run.

  • God I was afraid of this. One of the big things I was worried about last week was that we hadn't yet hit rock bottom. 

    This is pretty close, but even now, I still think we can eek out an inch or two more of shit. That's how badly it's going right now.

  • KDB777

    wow...Chelsea are really bad.  Even with ManU beating the scousers and the Spurs pounding the Magpies, I don't really think it matters.  Chelsea will not finish in the top 4.

  • buddha9

    If AVB got sacked tonight i wouldn't be surprised or unhappy -- as a man manager he appears to be complete crap -- tactically and in term of subs likewise -- Chelsea always had a fighting spirit for the last 8 years but its gradually disappeared and what we have now, courtesy of AVb, is a bunch of leaderless chickens without fight or consistency or application or indeed the capacity to have any of thee things -- boy they look like arsenal lite. 

     In the end is he getting the best out of this team and this squad? Where is the selection on form or tenancity -- why hasn't sturridge played center forward once in this entire year when we can barely score a goal?  why leave out Cahill for bosinwga ? Is the man blind? Many other questions of the same type

  • Maysam

    because Sturrdige's dad did interview one night before the game on his kids ability as center forward ....

  • buddha9

    no not that but because he's been our most dangerous attacker all season and he's very very selfish but at least he scores and makes goals -- he's dropped off a bit recently sulking i reckon but the fact is he's hungry and wants to play center -- letting him have a game there sometime is hardly a radical step

  • DAve

    Leaving out Cahill and keeping Bosingwa really shocked me.

  • Anup_thapa08

    tht killed the game for me
     

  • Jem

    Pissed means drunk in England. Do you mean you're pissed, or do you mean you're angry? Speak English you yanky bastard.

  • Tom

    pissed means your annoyed in English aswell so if your gona be a smart ass get your facts correct

  • SirCecil

    If you're going to lecture on terminology, at least spell "Yankie" correctly.

  • SirCecil

    Also, one shouldn't underestimate the negative effect the Terry problem might be having on the squad. Whether valid accusations or not, they've had all this disruption before with the previous scandal, and it must be a morale dampener. Perhaps the internal feelings about it run deeper than we think. The team looks dispirited and not particularly interested.

  • Agreed. To be an insider...

  • Ron Gattway

    Chelsea are a shambles. Bring back the level-headed no nonsense Glenn Hoddle as a caretaker manager.

  • SirCecil

    There is not a single player who strikes FEAR into the opposition. Simple as that. Chelsea is not one-tenth of the side it used to be. If you doubt that, consider the players then and now – Carvalho was miles better than any of the current central defenders. Gallas at Chelsea likewise. Makalele was infinitely better than Romeu, Mikel, Meireles put together! Sturridge? Not fit to lace (as they say) Robben's boots. Torres? Not even as good for Chelsea as Crespo. Essien is not fit. Bosingwa is terrible. Is Malouda better than Duff was for Chelsea. Lampard is slowing.
    The ONLY class act at Chelsea is Mata. The only one. The rest would not make a big impression if they were shipped out to lower level teams. Would Bosingwa REALLY improve Crystal Palace? Would Romeu do a better job at Spurs than our old boy Parker? As for our standby men... Lukaku??? An ox! Cahill? Let's keep our fingers crossed he can achieve something. The outlook is VERY bleak. We need someone to SCARE the opposition with real skill, like Zola or Robben. We have no such person in the entire squad. 

  • DAve

    This season cannot end any sooner.

  • iakobou

    ". . . but I won't deny it was nice to actually see Ryan Bertrand on a pitch."

    That's the only positive I took from this abysmally dismal game. I just don't understand the inconsistency from both players and coach: the players perform inconsistently while the coach makes inconsistent tactical decisions. It is a dreadful combination that has brought us to the brink for a Champions League spot crisis. Strength and honor--we need both to motivate us forward through the rest of the season.

  • Michael

    While it was great to see Bertrand im sure we will see Bosingwa will be moved to left back for the next game ,and Mireles will not be dropped no matter what .
    Let us not forget it was AVB who decided to stick with these flops in the summer instead of shipping them out .

  • I mean, I get what you're saying but it's not exactly easy to move out 10-plus players and move in 10 more during a single window. I still think AVB should be given time to build a squad of his own making in the summer. However, not qualifying for the CL this term throws a giant wrench into any plans this club has.

    A true conundrum.

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